Whether your dread or cheer, the weather always change. So, too, each season of your relationship takes a turn, repeating a cycle as a predictable as the weather. Why not transition thru times with ur eyes wide open and profit from each one? Sure you can have a favourite but u may as well find meaning and reason to celebrate in every day of the year. Remember when you first met your partner, and you couldn't get enough of each other? It was as though your fairy godmother had finally shown up. At last somebody recognised you in all of your glory and appreciated everything about u. Even your idiosyncrasies were endearing. That's the election of the ''expension and promise stage''. You open up to somebody who listens intently and affirms to u. U bring out the best in each other and bask in the enchantment. U both hope that the relationship will blossom, instead of fallin apart. U're trying to apply what u've learned in order to b better partners n that makes u a little vulnerable n a lot attractive. In this stage, a partner who tends to shy away from too much intimacy n connectedness is more comfortable gettin close n lingering. And a partner who tends to shy away from autonomy doesn't have much to shy away from, they're always together kissin or giggling.
Clinging, contract and settle
Neither partner is concerned into certain behaviours by negative expectations. They make promise if only implied that the relationship will continue to bliss. The realities of everyday life regain their attention though and inevi tably trigger the next stage, the ''CONTRACTION STAGE''. Maybe she starts to feel overwhelmed by a mounting of pile of work. Maybe he has to get back to weekly dinner with his mom. Usually one partner pulls back first n the other one reacts defensively- pouts, yells and begs. Initially, the ugliness can seem insignificant but with repitition, bad habits develop (or continue as the case may b) n partners can chronically bring out the worst in each other. It can b difficult to dig out of this stage, becoz both partners are likely to feel betrayed. The implied promise of happily ever after has been broken n they may go so far as to discount what they felt in the expansion n promise stage. It's important to remember that ur joy is just as real as ur anguish, ur dreams just as real as ur everyday responsibilities, bcoz then u can move on to the ''RESOLUTION STAGE'' with less struggle.
During the resolution stage, u step back n gain perspective n move to friendly place. Stop fuelling anger n blame. And realise what the relationshop means to you. U have the presence of mind to work thru ur differences or at least try to put them behind u. Ideally u realise ur partner viewpoint is just as viable as urs n that u dont have to make him wrong in order to b right. And u stop personalising his behaviour. It's not about u only. Even if you've been stuck in the contraction stage, armed with new understanding, then u can find resolution n make ur way back to expansion n promises without resorting new relationship. On the other hand, if you're on the verge of suffocation, u can find autonomy, without becoming angry n defensive. U can allow each other some space in order to reconnect and even deepen ur intimacy. The cycle will repeat itself as long as u continue in the relationship but with a conscious awareness of both stages n what triggers them, u n a sweetheart r free to simply b urself in all of stages. U dont have to cling, contract or settle. Just be happy!
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